It’s probably hypocritical for me to subscribe to an ideal of hyperrational utility-maximizing individuals yet be unable to live up to the same standards.
The dilemma that has plagued me for the past week is compounded by my inability to ascertain future decision spaces or project future lifestyle valuations – the limits of cognition when it comes to introspection and so-called ’soul searching’. My utility functions extend beyond the monetary material to intangibles. Unquantifiable, unqualifiable factors that may or may not sum to unity. I’m simply not able to perform this complex calculus of determining the distance between the ideal future self and the projected future self to any satisfactory, meaningful degree.
I liken the dilemma to the love triangle in Suzuka (at least up to episode 13 it is a triangle) where the protagonist, having been rejected by his first love, finds solace with the girl-next-door – the next best alternative – yet is getting (mixed) signals from the first girl. Should he risk it all to be with the one he wants, or settle with what he could be happy with? Of course my dilemma has nothing to do with romance – that would be a welcome distraction at this juncture.
In the end, it matters little whether or not the decision was made perfectly rationally – it’s as rational as it’s going to get – but rather, whether it was made based on risk-neutrality or risk-aversion. Which is more about strength of character than intellect.
