As I write this I can see the frat party across the street from my window that my roommate is at. I can hear the chatter from a few doors down, and the dance beat from another floor. I feel like I should be there but I’m not. Instead I’m in my room trying to read the Iliad for tomorrow’s lecture.
It’s hard to describe it as anything other than a fear of missing out. I feel like if I don’t get out there and try to meet random people or forge “real friendships” it will be difficult to do this later on. At the same time I feel very discouraged when I can visibly see signs of disinterest in some of the people I meet – it’s not hard to tell when the conversation is full of standard fillers and glances elsewhere.
It’s just like JC. But worse, because I should know better.
I had the same fear too when I first entered college. Then I figured that the time spent not partying was time well spent getting deeper into the classes I was taking so as to better milk the expertise accessible to me. It’s much easier to actually use professors’ office hours to one’s advantage when one does more than the minimum reading.
You attend college only once. I would always go to parties and always come back to read my versions of the Iliad. However i was a slacker and only read the readings after the class, not before.(and usually all crammed into the weekend)Do both, its tiresome but worth it.
Hey pinquan, you make your choices, you plan your time, but most importantly, you make your choices.If you dont wanna go, then dont. I suggest you do pop your head in to look once in awhile and if its not your scene, then know that you will find other birds of the same feather.
Too many freshmen rush into parties in the first term thinking that yay im in college, party like there’s not tomorrow. But there is a tomorrow, there will be a tomorrow, and you can always go again when you feel more comfortable.
I admit the social pressure is there, but find your comfortable space and stand up for it.Dont party just to “be cool”. Thats pointless.
Take care and big hugs!
Hey Pin,
I wouldn’t worry about it seriously. As Janice says, if you don’t want to do it, don’t. If the party scene is not for you, then you probably won’t enjoy yourself there anyway.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting that you miss out on all social activities; rather, why not go to the activities that interest you? After all, there’s a much higher chance of striking a rapport with like-minded individuals.
PS: Feel free to call me anytime if you want to talk to someone.
Cheers,
Daniel
I think the key is to flit around until you find the people who share the same interests as you. I had a great time when I met an italian girl interested in development and an Argentine girl who is into Chinese culture and econometrics. Most people (especially Americans) don’t really share your interests so they key is to find the people who do. I have a wonderful mix of friends here at penn who are not into frats and binge-drinking and they are a wonderfull eclectic group consisting of Americans, Swiss, Germans, Koreans…etc.
I’ve noticed that every semester when I’ve had a room/suite/house/flatmate, they weren’t a native-born American. One from Taiwan, one from Mexico (and his girlfriend who moved in was from Russia), one from Hong Kong, and my housemates here are all from Europe, South Asia, or East Asia.
Oh, and I’ve found that partying with my classmates is more fun than going to random parties. But me and my classmates are NIGGAZ since there’s so few of us and we’re all in our classes together, so YMMV.
NYC is sooooooooooooooooooooooo fresh. Nobody is going to mug/murder/rape you.
He lies! It’s scary! Then again I went to college in Philly and some kid got stabbed at 8PM walkin near the dormitories @_@;
Regarding college, I commuted most of my college life so I didn’t go to parties or do any of that college life crap. the one party I went to sucked hard and was just like you said, fake conversations that made me feel like I was an alien making “contact” with human beings. If you have no interest in it, there’s no reason to feel like “you’re missing out”. All you’re missing out is getting drunk and trashed with a bunch of people you don’t know and who prolly dont give 2 shits about you
>>Hinano: Then again I went to college in Philly and some kid got stabbed at 8PM walkin near the dormitories @_@;>>
geoffrey, heard that? how do you like them cheesesteaks now???
Yeah, crime here is wonderful…that also means you get to walk girls back everynight
You are not hte only one feeling the social pressure. I talked to quite a number of people on campus here who feels pretty overwhelmed too. Its not a popularity game and it should not be. WHile you want to try to interact and move out of your circles, you also want people whom you feel comfortable with.